Bad Bird Reviews: Mourning Dove
Mourning Doves are misshapen and lazy. Laugh at them with me.
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Have you ever scrolled through Google and seen a head-scratching review of a favorite place of yours? Or perhaps you have seen the awful reviews of some of the best national parks in the world, like this gem about Yellowstone:
The one thing that makes this place different from other parks is the geysers. I was extremely underwhelmed. They look SO much better in the pictures. If you want a similar look just boil a pot of water at home.
Honestly though, save yourself some money and boil some water at home.
Now, imagine these same terrible humans reviewing our fantastically feathered friends. You can't imagine? Do not worry. I have created an example just for your laughing pleasure. I present to you, Bad Bird Reviews.
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The best seed to attract Mourning Doves is white millet!
All of these reviews are 100% made up. I am tapping facts about these birds, common misunderstandings about these birds, and other random experiences to write these. The "Background" portion explains the premise of each fun review. Want to add your own? Give a review of the Mourning Dove in the comments below!
Bad Bird Reviews: Mourning Dove
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"Morning? More like all day"
Morning doves dont sing only in the morning. I hear them all day at my tree. My aunt's cousin's sister also has seen them at dinner time. Stupid name.
Background: The name, Mourning Dove, is from the sad, mournful sound it makes, not the time of day it can be heard singing.
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"Crappy nest"
2 of these dumb birds built a nest on my grill where I cook my burgers that my family gave to me three years ago... the nest was made of 5 twigs... how does the nest even hold eggs... i could build a better nest
Background: Doves and other Columbiformes (doves & pigeons) are some of the worst nest builders. They will often use minimal structure or substrate. They raise as many chicks with as little energy expenditure as possible. They can make a nesting attempt about every 30 days.
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"420 friendly"
Saw a flock of these birds in the pot field behind the neighbor's crop field. Flopped around on the ground for hours after. Maybe don't do drugs.
Background: I once witnessed Mourning Doves feeding on wild-growing marijuana seeds. They could not fly for hours.
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"Finger-lickin' good"
Ate 4 of these for dinner yesterday. MMMMMM good.
Background: Mourning Doves are a regulated, hunted, migratory bird species. They can be hunted during hunting season with proper permits and stamps. Over 20 million Mourning Doves are harvested annually.
Take quality Mourning Dove photos with the Sony RX10 IV!
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"Never around"
these burds are never around when it snows. how do i get these at my feeders when its cold
Background: Mourning Doves are partial migrants. The breeding populations in the northern latitudes are migratory, while the populations in the southern parts of the range are more residential.
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"bABY FormUla"
Thought these things were kinda pretty. Then I watched maybe the mommy bird or the daddy bird puke up some weird milky stuff into the mouths of the babies. EWWWWW
Background: Mourning Doves, and other doves and pigeons, feed hatchlings a "crop milk," which is a specialized secretion that includes the cells from the walls of the bird's crop. Both parents will feed this 'milk' to their chicks.
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"MAGICAL BIRDS"
THESE BIRDS ARE GREAT TO USE IN MY ILLUSIONS THEY LAST LONGER THAN THE PAINTED SEAGULLS I WAS USING BEFORE I TOOK OFF ONE STAR FOR HOW MUCH THEY POOP
Background: Pop culture often uses doves and pigeons in magic acts. Why? Some doves and pigeons can be trained for simple tasks. Also, their short legs and seemingly lazy behavior make them less likely to wander during a 'show.' However, it is ILLEGAL to possess a Mourning Dove of any age (yes, even a chick you found on the ground, put it back) in North America.
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"so much poo"
thes bids r evrywear can any1 stop them from pooping all over my car
Background: The Mourning Dove is one of the most abundant bird species in North America. The population in the US is estimated to be over 350,000,000 individuals.
There ya go. Bad bird review #1. This is just the beginning! Prepare to learn about other birds through a fun lens, as I start this new series!
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